3
I went to my daughter.
I wanted to hug her.
But as soon as my arm touched her, she
stepped back.
Pouting, she said primly, “Ms. Evans says I’m a
big girl now. No more hugs.”
She ran to the sofa and started playing with her
little tablet.
I inhaled.
<
Patiently, I followed her and held out the Barbie.
“Look what Mommy got you! It’s your favorite!”
She glanced at it.
Just a glance. Then she went back to her game.
“I told you, I’m a big girl. I don’t like baby stuff.
Can’t you see I’m learning? I want to be an
engineer like Daddy.”
My heart clenched.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I said,
“Learning can wait. Can you play with Mommy
for a little while?”
A desperate plea.
I just wanted a little attention.
But she didn’t seem to care.
She refused.
“No. Ms. Evans says learning is like climbing a
ladder, one step at a time. I can’t miss any
chances, or I’ll never learn a thousand words.”
“You’re four. You need to learn a thousand
words?”
“People in the old days learned a thousand
words when they were three! I’m almost five! If I
don’t learn, I’ll fall behind. And if you fall behind,
<
understand?”
How could I not?
Wasn’t I trying to fight my way ahead, too?
Emily was a fantastic tutor.
So young, yet so smart.
She was everything John wanted.
His coldness, his ambition, his brilliance.
Maybe this was for the best.
At least Lily wouldn’t cry for her mother when I
was gone.
Just then, John’s phone rang.
He answered it, then turned to me, holding out
the phone, his eyes like ice. “It’s my mother.
She wants to talk to you.”
I looked up at him.
No matter how indifferent he was, I would
always feel a surge of affection for that face.
The insane, overwhelming crush from my teens
still echoed inside me.
I took the phone.
He went back to the kitchen.
I walked out onto the balcony, and heard the
same cold voice as John’s.
<
It was John’s mother.
“Don’t think that million dollars buys you
anything with us. What is it now, Sarah? What kind of trouble are you stirring up?”
Because of my alcoholic mother. Because of
my petty–criminal mother.
John’s parents never liked me.
And after years of trying to please them, they had moved from dislike to outright contempt.
Maybe that included the million dollars.
They probably didn’t even want to accept it.
I said patiently, “Mom, I know you and Dad
never cared for me. You always preferred Emily,
with her fancy family and education. So I’m
going to do the right thing. She’s a wonderful
girl, and I’ve seen it myself. These past few
years.”
There was a pause on the other end.
Then, the accusatory tone returned. “Sarah,
what the hell are you talking about? It’s you
who’s neglecting your family! We never wanted
to break up your marriage. Have you said this in
front of the child?”
<
I denied it. “No. Don’t worry. I know what to say
and what not to say. This money is for Lily. It’s going to cost a fortune to raise her. If John remarries, he might have another child. He
might not have as much time for Lily. Since I gave birth to her, I have to be responsible for
her. You love Lily the most, you should understand my good intentions.”
I heard a gulp. “You… You’re getting a divorce?”
“Yes. This week, probably. Don’t worry, I’m not
taking anything. The house, the car
–
it’s all
his. I just ask that you and Dad take care of
Lily.”
“This… What are you saying? Lily is our
granddaughter, we would never treat her badly.
But what are you going to do…” She thought
for a moment, but she used malice to speculate
about me. “Did you find someone else?
Someone richer, more powerful? So you’re
pulling this stunt?”
I didn’t want to explain. “It doesn’t matter what I
do, does it? The family is moving in the
<
direction we all wanted, isn’t it?”
She didn’t answer.
I thanked her a few more times, then hung up.
I walked back inside.
Emily was playing with the Barbie doll I had just
bought with Lily.
My gaze was too intense.
Lily shifted uncomfortably.
She pouted. “Ms. Evans said this is a study
break. Playing for a little while won’t hurt my
learning.”
She thought I hadn’t heard her say, “I don’t
want to play with Mommy. I only want to play
with Ms. Evans!”
I smiled.
Everything was perfect.
Lily would be a strong child.
