Chapter 11
Hope flares in me–foolish, irresistible. Despite every warning to walk away, I stand there, silent, waiting. For an answer, an excuse–anything that could fix what’s already shattered.
“Matrix was the one who made me realize I’m bisexual,” Brendan began, his voice barely above a murmur as he looked down, his hands nervously rubbing together like he was trying to scrub away something he couldn’t shake off. “The connection between us was so strong. At first, it felt right… everything was fine, you know?” He gave a small, almost bitter smile, the corner of his mouth twitching with something between regret and irony. “But then he started becoming… possessive. He demanded I come out, tell everyone.”
He shook his head, frustration showing as he ran a hand through his hair, his gaze drifting somewhere distant. “I wasn’t ready for that. I didn’t want the world judging me, whispering behind my back.” He paused, swallowing as he looked back at me, his expression clouded with guilt. “So we fought. Badly. We broke up.”
He looked over at me, guilt heavy in his eyes, and took a deep breath to steady himself before going on. “Then I met you. With you, I felt free… relieved. I felt safe in a way I never had before. Like I finally belonged somewhere.” His gaze dropped to his hands, where he was twisting the hem of his shirt nervously. “I even tried to move out of the dorm to just… get away from it all.”
He sighed sharply, staring off as if he were bracing himself. “But when I was packing, Matrix showed up. He had this… video of us.” Brendan’s face went red, and his jaw clenched. “He blackmailed me. Said if I didn’t get back with him, he’d release the video, and everyone would know.” His voice dropped, barely more than a whisper. “Everyone would know I’m a faggot.”
His shoulders slumped as he looked at me, something raw in his eyes. “I was scared, Lucy. I didn’t know what to do… wasn’t ready for all that judgment of the society, of my friends, my family. So I went back to him.”
He bit his lip, his voice cracking as he confessed, “I know I should’ve ended things with you first. But I didn’t. I got selfish, Lu. You made me feel safe, valued, loved, and more importantly, free. I didn’t want to lose you. I pretended to be cruel in front of Matrix so that he wouldn’t release my video or hurt you due to his over–possessiveness.”
“Oh… Brendan.” My eyes began to form tears at the corners. “You’ve gone through so much. I should have already known about Matrix’s cunningness when I saw him with a hot, Anthony Mackie–looking like guy this weekend. How dare he? On one side, he was blackmailing and forcing you to be in a relationship with him, and on the other side, he was cheating on you with such a hot African–American dude.”
“Wh…what? He was with who?” Brendan’s eyes widened, a mixture of shock, betrayal, and–if I was right–a healthy dose of jealousy flickering across his face. His mask cracked just a little, and in that second, I confirmed. The whole story he babbled was fake. Matrix isn’t forcing him or anything. He’s in the relationship by his own choice. He loves Matrix, and it’s clear from the pale complexion of his face while thinking about Matrix cheating on him.
“Ar…are you… su…sure?” he stammered, his voice trembling with a mix of desperation and panic. His wide eyes darted around, as if searching for any hint that I might be lying. “He… he was with an…another… gu…guy? Wha…what were they doing?”
“Yeah, I’m sure,” I said, my voice eerily calm, the fury simmering just beneath the surface like a ticking time bomb. “I’m sure that you are a fucking asshole. You son of a bitch. You lying fuck.” My chest tightened, and a rush of heat flooded through me, my hand trembling at my side before I clenched it into a fist. My entire body felt like it was on fire. And in that instant, it was like everything inside me shattered. I couldn’t hold back anymore.
Without thinking, I swung my fist, feeling the satisfying impact as my knuckles connected with his nose. There was a sharp, crunching sound, like cracking bones, and Brendan’s head snapped back. He stumbled, his hand flying to his face as he let out a strangled groan.
“What the hell?” he choked, his voice muffled as he pressed his hand to his nose, blood already beginning to seep between his fingers. I watched, detached, as he blinked in shock, swaying slightly. I felt no sympathy–just an odd, relentless calm as the anger took control, blurring everything else around me.
“Matrix is forcing you to stay with him, huh?” I taunted, my lips twisting into a smirk as I took a step closer, nodding like a psychopath. “So that’s why, instead of feeling relieved, you’re jealous and sad, right?” My voice was dripping with sarcasm while my eyes blazing with anger.
Brendan looked down at his hand, the blood staining his palm and dripping onto the floor, his eyes widening as he took in the sight. He inhaled sharply, his face twisting with rage and disbelief. “You fucking psychotic bitch!” he yelled, looking at me. His nose; gross, broken and misplaced.
My heart started to pound as reality crashed in, the adrenaline melting away into panic.
Oh, god! I did that. I actually did that. Fuck! This is why I don’t let my anger win. Every time I do, I end up going too far, injuring people–pushing it to the limit without even meaning to.
I glanced down at Brendan’s hand, blood smeared on it and trickling down. “What if he sues me? Oh, no.” My mind raced through the worst–case scenarios. “Well, my inom could get me out of it…like the last time… but then she’d make this my life sentence. Lectures for a whole year, punishments for a lifetime, and the smug satisfaction of being right about Brendan’s character, all while reminding me of it forever. Damn it!”
To be continued…
