43
CATERINA
The porch light makes Tatiana’s golden hair gleam as she stands on tiptoes, peering over Dad’s shoulder to see me. “Hey,” she exhales, and there’s a world of relief in that single syllable. The worry lines etched on her forehead and between her brows loosen
“See, she’s fine. You’ve seen her with your own eyes.” Dad snarls. Now, it’s time to go.”
“Dad,” I groan in dismay. She didn’t do anything to him, to either of us. I’m sure his sudden change in attitude hurts her. He’s never been anything but warm and friendly with her until now, and while he’s angry at Gianni, he needs to realize that Tatiana isn’t her father.
“This is my house,” he reminds me, looking at me over his shoulder grimly. “I think I still have a say in who does and doesn’t step over my threshold, No matter how she puffs out her chest and throws threats around.”
I hope she understands how sorry I am when I wrap a hand around his wrist and tug him back away from the door. “Dad, she’s my friend. You’ve never had any issues with her coming over before.” I tug again, and this time he looks at me, and I hope he gets the message when I stare up at him. I can’t say it out loud, not in front of her.
She is not her father. She’s done nothing wrong
He can’t transfer his hatred for Glanni onto Tatiana. It’s not fair to either of us, and I can’t even consider picking between the two of them. I love my father, but Tatiana understands the things my father never could.
My father’s nostrils flare, and his jaw twitches like he’s fighting against whatever it is he wants to say. At least he’s fighting against it. That’s a good sign. “Fine,” he finally grunts. “But this isn’t going to turn into a sleepover.”
“Nobody said it was.” He shakes his head, muttering to himself as he walks away, but at least he’s doing that much. Going back to the kitchen, where he’ll either finish eating his dinner or start on the six–pack he insisted on picking up at the store. Something tells me I know which one it’ll be.
I can’t worry about that now. I haven’t even gotten into the drinking situation with him, and I know better than to think he’d do anything except shoot me down for bringing it up.
I turn my attention to Tatiana, whose face isn’t as red anymore. She still looks shaken. Her angry gaze remains trained on the kitchen doorway until I motion for her to follow me. “Come on. We’ll go up to my room.” What a shame he had to be the one to answer the door, because having her here is a massive relief otherwise. I don’t have to pretend as much when we’re together. There aren’t as many secrets I have to remember not to spill,
Although now, I have the super fun privilege of having to pretend my dad doesn’t hold her dad accountable for Man’s death. I honestly can’t remember the last time I went through life without having to remind myself of everything I’m not supposed to talk about. There are so many secrets. If I get out of this with my sanity intact, it’ll be a goddamn miracle.
When we reach my room, and I close us inside, she sighs and sort of deflates, then sags against the chair, letting her head droop as she recovers from the sudden nastiness downstairs. “What’s his problem? He’s never acted like that before.”
“Would it help if I said it’s not you but him? He’s going through some things.” I face her with my back against the door, trying to smile. “Hi.”
“Hi,” she whispers, biting her lip. “You’re not mad at me, are you?“”
“No! Why would you think that?”
“I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for two days, and all I got was a single text telling me you were here and you were fine.” Her eyes sparkle with unshed tears and there’s a catch in her voice
Right away, it makes me ser everything from a different perspective. And I feel like shit about it. She had a breakdown at the hotel, and by the time she woke up at home the next day, I was gone with no explanation
“I’m sorry.” When I extend my arms out, she rushes into them, wrapping her slim arms around me to return my hug. It’s easy to think of her as being tough and having her shit together. Like she doesn’t really need anyone. I can’t make that mistake, not after seeing her fall apart as she did. “It’s just… I couldn’t take all the other calls and texts. I finally had to turn my phone off. I don’t want to block his number, but…”
She’s shaking her head when she pulls back. “Okay, that’s fine. I just don’t want to worry that you’ll disown me because of him.”
“I would never.” Nevertheless, I can see how she would think that, and after everything she’s been through, it makes sense. I’ve been a shitty friend the past few days, and I’m sorry.”
Π
“We’re both kind of a mess right now, aren’t we?” At least she tries to laugh, even if it doesn’t ring true. She’s fighting hard to keep it together, that much is obvious.
We both sit on the foot of the bed, angling our bodies to face each other. “How are you holding up?” Task, touching her shoulder gently. “How are you feeling?”
She blurts out a disbelieving laugh. “You would jump right in and worry about me. You’re the one who-
I shake my head, holding a finger to my lips, glancing at the door. Understanding touches the corners of her eyes, and she nods. “You’re the one who had to come here when shit went south.”
It’s like talking in code, although it’s the only way I feel safe. To think, I thought Dad would lose his mind if he found out about Glanni before this evening. I had no clue. All I can do is be thankful was so careful about keeping our relationship discreet.
“I’m fine,” lie. I’ve never been farther away from fine in my life, except lying is better than admitting the truth right now. Dad’s sort of a mess, though. I’m really sorry he was so rude to you.”
She snorts. “Overprotective, as always.”
“It’s more than that, He’s… I don’t know. It’s like he’s unraveling. Here I was, running back for help, and I found in wors shape than I was.”
“What do you mean?”
43-1
1 mean, he thinks he finally found the evidence he needed to pin my mother’s murder on your dad. Sure, why not? I’ll just hammer the final nail into the coffin and completely ruin everybody’s life. One confession and I’ll destroy her relationship with her father, my relationship with mine, and any hope of a future with Gianni. I bite my tongue. I don’t know how much longer I will be able to keep all of this to myself. The truth is eating me up inside.
Between you and me, he’s been drinking.” Her face crumbles a little like she’s genuinely sorry to hear it. I know it’s disloyal to him, but it’s better for her to take his attitude as some kind of drunken rage than to know the truth. If she ever thought Gianni did what Dad swears he did, it would break her heart. She’s already been through too much. Plus, she already has one parent who has done nothing but disappoint, neglect, and hurt her. I can’t take away the one good parent she has left.
“Ugh. How long has it been going on?”
“I have no idea, and of course, there’s no point in asking him for the truth. He’ll only deny it and say it’s not a problem.”
“I’m so sorry. But you know…” I can tell she’s trying to be kind, like a true friend, choosing her words carefully. “Even your realize you can’t actually help him, right? You can encourage and cheer him on. However, you can’t stay here forever to watch over him. I know you want to help him, but you can’t make him see things for what they are.”
“I never said I was trying to make him see things.”
“You don’t have to.” She smirks the way a friend does when they’ve known you most of your life. “That’s just how you are. Kind and sweet. You want to help however you can, but you can’t give up your life to do it.”
“That really isn’t what this is about. I wouldn’t even be here in the first place if it wasn’t for…” It’s not fear of Dad overhearing us that quiets me. I can’t bring myself to say it out loud. The wounds of the truth are still fresh. “The way he lied to me. I deserved the truth. At the very least, he owed me that. He should’ve let me make my own decision on whether or not I wanted to be the other woman. Instead, I was taken by surprise and had to sit here on the bed while she called me a slut. It was humiliating, among other things.”
Do you want me to kill her for you?”
The question takes me by surprise, and a bubble of laughter escapes me. Tatiana laughs with me, and the tension in the room evaporates by the time we’re both wiping tears from our cheeks and catching our breath.
“You’re crazy,” I gasp, and all she does is shrug like it’s nothing new.
“Seriously, though. She’s such a bitch. I’m sorry you’ve had the pleasure of meeting her.”
“It’s not your fault. You didn’t make her the way she is.”
“I wish I had been there. There are so many things I want to say to her.” Her jaw tightens, and something tells me her anger isn’t only for my sake. She’s got more than enough reasons to tell her mother off.
“It’s for the best that you weren’t,” I murmur, shuddering at the humiliating memory. How ugly it was, how nasty Amalia sounded. Glanni wasn’t much better, even if he had every right. “ye never seen people talk to each other the way they do. It was bad enough without me being part of the reason they were fighting”
“Yeah, it’s different since your parents actually loved each other.”
Oh, God, it hurts. It hurts so much. She’s right. Mom and Dad did love each other. Even when I’d catch them arguing, they were always at least civil. No screaming or name–calling. Looking at Tatjana now, I see so much of Gianni in her. Could he? Does he have it in him to put a bullet in an innocent woman’s head, to protect himself?
“Did you know they weren’t officially divorced yet?” I ask.
She shakes her head. “I swear to God, I figured it was finalized ages ago.” Then she snickers, rolling her eyes. “Big surprise, Dad, kept yet another secret from me. I’m so shocked because, you know, that’s so unlike him.”
I can’t muster up a laugh this time, because I know all about secret. I’m keeping about a million of thein myself. “I’m surprised your mom didn’t say anything to you about it.”
+25 BONUS
Her jaw tightens again. “What? Talk to me? Why would she do that?”
1 figured she might do it to get between you and your dad. I don’t have the heart to say that out loud, even if it’s what I’m thinking and even if I have no doubt Amalia would stoop that low. Even before her little performance back at Gianni’s, I didn’t exactly have a high opinion of her. Watching my best friend get disappointed time and time again by her thoughtless mom left me with a bad taste in my mouth a long time ago. I shouldn’t have been surprised by how determined she was to make everybody miserable.
“Listen to me.” The way she grips my hands, it’s like she wants to break my fingers. “It’s really good that you’re here right now. In fact, it’s probably the best place for you.”
Instantly, ugly thoughts start to race through my head. “What’s wrong? Is he okay? Did something bad happen?”
‘No, he’s fine. I mean, he’s a miserable wreck and keeps asking if I can get a hold of you because he’s crawling out of his skin without you, but otherwise, he’s fine. I’m more worried about her and you.”
He did accuse her of knowing Luciano, didn’t he? I didn’t have much time to think about it then–many other things were go
going on–but that’s something I’ve pondered while trying and failing to fall asleep. Was she the reason Luciano went crazy?
“She will literally do anything to get what she wants,” Tatiana continues in a hushed voice. “I could kick myself for thinking she ever finalized the divorce. She knows that once it’s over, it’s over for good. She won’t be able to get any more money out of him. Therefore she’s doing everything she can to make him miserable and force his hand. As far as she’s concerned, he is ruining her life. To get even, she’s going to ruin his.”
It’s a dumpster fire–the whole thing-
“Do you think I’m in danger because of her?” I can’t believe I’m even saying this. I can’t believe Gianni wouldn’t stop to think about what Amalia is capable of. He’s so concerned with my safety, protecting me, all that. Why didn’t he bother to consider her being a threat?
Especially if he suspected she got to Luciano. It’s like every time I tum around, there’s another reminder o he’s no good for me. Even if, in my heart, all I want is to go back to him. I miss him with every part of me, every fiber of my soul. Being separated leaves me aching and weak.
Tatiana takes way too long to respond. “I wish I could say no and be certain, but right now, I think it’s best to lay low. And just know that he really, truly is determined to get her out of his life for good.”
“Oh, really?” Pardon me if I have a hard time buying that.
“Right now, they’re at a meeting with the lawyers. Both of them. He’s dead set on putting this behind him so he can be with you.”
I wish my heart didn’t swell when she said that. I wish I didn’t feel so happy. I want so much for it to be true become about him and us.
my entire life has
Something inside me aches when another thought hits me. “Are you sure that isn’t what he told you to pay? Is that why you’re here? Did he ask you to come see me because he knows I won’t sechim?”
Her head snaps back, and right away, I regret asking. “How could you even think that?”
“I didn’t mean it… like that.”
“Too bad, that’s exactly how it came off.” She drops my hands. “No, he didn’t tell me to come and say that. He knows better, for one thing. I wouldn’t do it anyway, not even if he begged. I waited until he was gone to come here. I don’t want him to know since all he’ll do is jump on me when I get home and ask me a million questions. I figured you wanted your privacy, and when you were ready, you’d talk to him.”
“I’m sorry. Don’t be mad at me,” Ibeg. “Please. You’re all I have. I can’t lose you.
“I’m not mad.” She sighs and her shoulders sink. “You’re kind of I have, too. I can’t afford to lose you.
“You’ll always have me. Even if I’ve run off for a few days, it’s not because of you, I’m really sorry,” Ladd when the pain on her
TZD BUNUS
face intensifies. “You don’t deserve to be in the middle of this.”
“Yeah, well, you happen to be two people I love, even if you both make me want to scream sometimes.” She grins, and I know she doesn’t mean it. Not completely. “Are you sure you’re okay here? I’m serious. If he’s unstable. ”
“Everything is fine.” Now I wish I hadn’t said anything, but I needed an excuse for his behavior. Men and their bad behavior. I’m so tired of having to make up for it. “I’m more worried about him becoming his own worst enemy.”
“I absolutely can’t relate to having a dad like that,” she deadpans
We share another laugh, but this time it’s tinged with sadness. “And you’re sure you’re okay?” I have to ask. “Are you… taking care of yourself?”
She lifts her chin, defiant. Typical Tatiana. “It takes more than some egotistical asshole to break me. I wouldn’t ever dream of giving him that kind of power.”
I wish I could believe her.
I wish I could believe Gianni is innocent.
I wish things weren’t so broken, and my heart didn’t beat for a man I never should’ve been involved with. I know the truth can set us all free. However, lies are easier to tell. It’s not the freedom we seek but the protection our lies offer us. I have to stop hiding behind them. I have to break free, even if I know it’s going to hurt.
