50
CATERINA
A car door opens and closes outside and my heart lurches. Immediately I fold up the lease agreement I’ve been studying since I got home, ready to tuck it under the sofa cushion before Dad comes in from dinner with his ex–partner from the police station. He’s usually in a good mood after the two of them spend hours swapping old stories, but that doesn’t mean he’d be in any mood to know I’m ready to move out again.
I wait, holding my breath. When a minute passes without him opening the door, all I can do is laugh at myself for being so jumpy. I’m an adult, with a job and capable of making my own choices, yet when it comes to my father, it seems I have no choices.
Ever since Tatiana was here last week, I haven’t been able to stop replaying what she said about me giving up my life. She’s absolutely night—it’s so easy for me to forget about myself. I can’t let my father’s problems become my own. He’s dead set on hurting himself, drinking too much, and obsessing over making Gunni pay for what he may or may not have done. That’s up to him. I can’t sacrifice everything I want for myself in the meantime.
Guilt clings to my pores at the thought, but I’ll have to get over it. Ihave my own life to live, which means I need to pull up my big girl panties, sign the lease and move out. Of course, I missed out on the perfect place in town, where I was planning on signing before I had second thoughts.
Imagine if I had kept going instead of turning around and crossing the street. How different would everything be right now? Luciano would still be alive. The darkness clinging to me wouldn’t feel so suffocating. I guess that’s the truth about every choice we make in life. If we had slept in just a few minutes longer or decided to go out for that drink with friends. Every choice gets us to this very defining moment in time, and no matter how much we might want to go back in time and make a different choice, that’s not an option. All a person can do is move forward.
I steer my attention back to scanning the contract and wonder if I should get somebody to look at it for me. Just to be certain I’m not being taken advantage of. It’s the sort of thing I would ask Dad about, but I’m not ready to share this with him yet. Not unni everything’s ready to go, and there’s nothing he can say or do to stop me.
I hate having to think about him that way, except his already unbearable overprotectiveness is operating in overdrive. Just last night, he told me to call and let him know when I’m on my way home from work. It’s as if he wants to make sure I’m not sneaking off somewhere or getting myself into trouble. I might as well be living with Gianni all over again.
The simple thought of him makes me ache the way it has the several days since he ambushed me in the parking garage. He hasn’t tried to contact me since then, and I should be grateful. This is what I wanted, for him to leave me alone. However, in some ways, it’s the last thing I want. His absence makes me crave him more. Gianni claims he’ll never let me go, that we aren’t over, and that he won’t stop trying to make me see that we’re meant to be. Nevertheless, no matter what able to forget that he lied to me. Hid from me that he was still married.
If it wasn’t a big deal, why hide it?
ens, I won’t be
No, I didn’t ask but I shouldn’t have to. If he was still married, he should’ve at least warned me. The more I think about it, the deeper my anger runs. Gianni wasn’t ever going to tell me, and I need to leam to accept that I need to make peace with it and move on. It’s time for a fresh start.
my life in this Does it hurt? Of course. I would rather be with Glanni than without him. But not if it means spending the rest of my constant tug of war. Back and forth, never knowing what’s going to happen next. It all depends on the mood he’s in, and that can change from minute to minute. He’s the most unpredictable person I’ve ever known, and it exhausts me. I deserve better than that. And maybe if I keep repeating that to myself enough times, I’ll start to believe it. Time heals all wounds, but a broken heart? That I’m not so sure of. That’s not even taking into account the information my father shared with me. If I don’t ask Giatul about it, I’ll never get an answer. Although, the truth terrifies me. What if he killed my mom? I don’t want to know the answer, but I need to know it
My phone is on the coffee table when Tatiana’s name flashes across the screen. I haven’t spoken to her since that night when she was here, which is unusual for us. We usually talk daily. I hit the green answer key and bring the phone to my ear.
“Hey you. I was worried. I tried to call you like five times, you haven’t returned a single call. I figured you wanted space.” No
1/2
response. At first, it appears she must have butt–dialed me somehow. All I hear are muffled noises. “Tatiana? Are you there?”
“They’re going to do it. I know they’re going to do it!” Her words slur together, making it hard to decipher what she’s saying. I bite my tongue before commenting on her being drunk. My only concern is what she’s trying to tell me.
“They’re going to do what? What are you talking about?”
“They’re gonna kill him, H. They’re going to kill him! I’m so sick of the fucking lies! Doesn’t he see the impact this could have on me? Doesn’t he care that he’s hurting me?”
I take a calming breath and push down the anxious feeling starting to form a knot in my stomach. Remain calm, at least for Tatiana. “What are you talking about? Start from the beginning, and take some deep breaths.”
“Fuck you!” she seethes.
I can’t help but recoil from the bitterness in her tone. “Hey, don’t do that. I’m not the enemy here. I just want to help you, and I can’t if I don’t know what’s happening.”
“You want to help me? Then maybe convince my lying asshole of a father not to kill Christopher.”
Shit. “Christopher isn’t even stateside, so you have nothing to worry about.” Her fear is rational, but she has nothing to worry about with the asshole completely out of reach. Yet
“No, he is. Roger found him. He flew back to the states.” A shuffling sound fills the receiver, and then she’s speaking again. That’s all he does. Lies. He’ll tell me to my face that he won’t do it, but then he leaves with Roger, and neither of them would tell me where they are going. I’m not dumb. I’m not a child. I’m tired of being seen as some stupid girl, with a rich father who does bad things!” A bitter laugh escapes her.
She’s unhinged, and whatever she drank isn’t helping matters. I have to talk her off the edge of the cliff because losing her isn’t an option. She’s my best friend.
“You said Roger and your father left. Is anyone else home with you?”
“Don’t play stupid, Caterina. There’s always somebody here, but nobody who actually gives a shit about me. The only reason my father’s men care about me is due to him signing their paychecks, Boger, too. He only stays because my father makes him. No one cares about me. Christopher didn’t care either. What’s it matter if I live or die?” A sob fills the line.
The sound is soul–crushing, like an animal on the verge of death. I can’t leave her like this. She’s right. All of Gianni’s guards Tatiana is okay. might be there, though none of them can help her right now. There’s so much going on, but I need to ei The only thing I know for sure is that: Gianni isn’t there. If I’m careful, I might be able to sneak inside, sover her up, and send her to bed. I’ll get an Uber, so I won’t have to leave my car where he’ll see it. It’s a long walk up to the house, however that’s nothing compared to being there for my best friend. She needs me, and her father isn’t going to stand in the way of me being there for her. As much as I dread going there, I can’t abandon her.
“Don’t say that. I can’t lose you. Just stay where you are. I’ll come ever, and we can talk through this.”
“You… you’ll come?” She goes from screaming rage to trembling tragility in the blink of an eye. L’ar reminded further of her unstable state. She didn’t leave me the night Luciano broke my heart, or the night her father killed him. She’s been there to hold me together through all my breakdowns, and I need to do the same for her. Even if it means risking seeing him, I have always loved her way before noticing her father.
“Yes, I’ll be there in a little bit. Hold tight.” I grab my keys and head out the door, navigating to the app for an Uber along the way. The last thing I want to do is explain to my father what’s happening, but I’m a grown–ass woman and my best friend needs me. I’ll deal with the fallout later.
