But I knew there was no point in explaining myself.
Because I truly wanted to divorce Aubrey.
If that could make her agree to the divorce, then so be it.
My goal was achieved: we were divorced.
But my life, however, died.
17
Aubrey’s Journal, Entry 1
The Buddha once said: there will always be someone who shatters your principles, destroys your boundaries, forces you to abandon your pride, and makes you cast aside everything to become their ultimate preference, their sole exception. That person will be your destined torment, your lifelong curse.
And my torment was Julian.
Even when I was a little girl,
My parents would occasionally joke at the dinner table.
“Aubrey’s such a tomboy, she’ll never find a husband
ha personality like that, will she?”
“If she doesn’t get married, she doesn’t get married We’ll be happier with her around anyway”
AM
<
“If she doesn’t get married, she doesn’t get married. We’ll be happier with her around, anyway.”
At the time, my face burned.
I argued in my head, *Why wouldn’t I get married?*
*I’m going to marry Julian, from Mr. Hayes’s family.*
*Julian, the new boy next door, he’s so handsome.*
*Tall and fair–skinned.*
Journal Entry 2
Julian was too popular.
Those other girls were so good at dressing up.
*No, I need to get dressed up too.*
I went home, dug out a dress from the bottom of my trunk, put on my little Mary Jane shoes, and even clipped a butterfly hairpin in my hair.
“Julian, what are you guys doing?”
They turned around.
They froze for a second, then burst out laughing.
“Is that Aubrey? The sun must be rising in the west! She’s actually wearing a dress!”
“Haha, I’m dying of laughter!”
“Leo, what’s your sister up to? Why the sudden style change? It looks so weird.”
I ran over, trying to cover their laughing mouths.
But I tripped over a loose rock.
Falling face–first onto the ground.
I chipped two teeth and my mouth filled with blood.
That first time wearing a dress left me with a psychological scar. After that, I never wore one again.
Journal Entry 3
Julian started dating in high school.
The girl was very quiet and gentle.
Julian was incredibly sweet and considerate with her
<
AM
He’d always call her to his basketball games, insisting she come watch.
For her birthday, he bought her a two–thousand–dollar Swarovski necklace.
I ran eight laps around the track, trying to burn off the bitter ache in my chest.
Julian… he simply didn’t like my type.
When I was little, I thought I would definitely marry him.
As I grew older,
I realized that marrying him was a distant dream.
Journal Entry 4
Julian’s high school relationship ended quietly.
He and that girl went to different colleges.
Eventually, they broke up.
But reality told me, even if they broke up,
I still didn’t have a chance.
In my sophomore year of college,
Julian started dating again.
Another quiet, beautiful woman.
My brother, Leo, came home on leave from the military and went to Julian’s university to visit him. I tagged along.
Julian invited us to dinner and brought his girlfriend.
At the dinner table, Julian was still so attentive to his girlfriend.
Serving her food, getting her fruit.
That night, on the way back to the police academy, I sat in the car, staring blankly at my tanned arms.
That’s when I realized Julian and I were simply not meant to be.
Back at the police academy, I focused on my studies and training.
And resolved never to think about
romance
Journal Entry 5
ain
The year I graduated,
I became a police officer.
<
But the news I heard about Julian was devastating.
