I could even feel that the strength with which he held my shoulder wasn’t out of love, but out of
Since we got married, facing me, he seemed to become more silent each year.
Journal Entry 10
Fourth year of marriage.
The company held a huge annual gala, and I attended.
Julian stood in the center of the crowd, radiating charisma.
Many prominent entrepreneurs were also there.
Julian chatted with them, every word perfectly chosen.
But I couldn’t blend in at all.
Many elegantly dressed women also approached Julian to converse.
Julian handled them with ease.
In Julian’s eyes, I saw an admiration for them.
An admiration he never had for me.
Outside our home, Julian lived a life seemingly completely different from mine.
guilt.
The women in his social circle were all sophisticated city ladies, wearing ten–centimeter heels, with perfectly applied makeup. When attending events, they’d put on elegant cocktail dresses.
They were refined from head to toe.
My performance, too, disappointed him greatly.
I couldn’t be like other wives, adding to his prestige, skillfully navigating conversations and networking.
I didn’t even know who anyone was.
In this unfamiliar world, I performed terribly.
Later,
He never took me to events again.
Journal Entry 11
11:02 AM
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I could feel Julian drifting further and further away from me.
Before, he used to come home on time for my birthday.
But on my fourth wedding anniversary, my birthday, he didn’t come home early.
And he started sleeping in his study.
He said he handled work in the study, and returning to the bedroom later would disturb me.
I told him it wouldn’t bother me, but he still didn’t come back to the bedroom, insisting on sleeping in his study.
He also didn’t want to talk to me much.
Whatever I said, he wasn’t interested.
