45
CATERINA
“It’s so good to have you back” Stephanie’s smiling from ear to ear, standing outside my cubicle as I finish getting my things together at the end of what had to be one of the longest days of my life.
I feel like a different person than when I walked out of here on my lunch break that last day. I thought I was going to sign a lease. Something so innocent, the sort of thing people do every day. I expected to return to my desk afterward, because why would I think otherwise?
Now here I am, more than two weeks later. It might as well be two years or two lifetimes. Since I last walked out the door, I was hit by a car and rushed to the ER. I spent days in bed, trying to recover. I found out my best friend was being abused by her ex and was then kidnapped by mine.
And now he’s dead, and the man who killed him might have also killed my mother.
When I think of it that way, it’s no wonder I could hardly keep myself focused today. Everything seems so stupid and pointless. It’s not like I had a terrific opinion of my job before this, but now can’t imagine why anybody would want to spend their life sitting here, going over spreadsheets, wasting hour after hour.
Is this what happens when a person realizes they could have died more than once? Is this my big turning point moment where I realize I need to shake up my entire life instead of wasting another minute doing something I hate?
Right. Fat chance of that happening, especially when I’m living with my father. I’m surprised he let me out of the house to go work, but not very surprised since he still thinks this job is a big deal. Like I made a massive success out of myself sitting in a gray cubicle all day long and slowly going blind while reading over figures until my eyes crossed
The least I can do is offer Stephanie a smile and hope it looks sincere since it’s not like she did anything to hurt me. “You’re just saying that because you’re glad you won’t have to cover for me anymore,” I tease her, winking.
“Okay, I’m not going to pretend that has nothing to do with it.” Only she gets serious right away, and b nile slips.” Honestly, though. It’s good to have you back. You gave us a scare.” Girl, you have no idea how much sca…… things got.
I know she means it, even if I can’t imagine why. I haven’t been here that long. I still have to get used to the idea of people genuinely liking me and not just putting up with me because I tagged along behind Tatiana, who was always more popular and better at making friends.
“Let’s see if I can make it two days in a row.” I hold up my crossed fingers and laugh it off, even if inside I’m shaking. I have to do this again tomorrow. How the hell am I going to get through the rest of my life this way?
Especially when all I seem to do is think about Gianni all day long instead of keeping my mind focused on work.
Immediately, I stop myself before allowing him to encompass my thoughts yet again, and replace memories of him with those of my Mom. The way she took me trick–or–treating alone since Dad was always working that night. Our Saturday afternoons at the movies. Learning how to bake bread from scratch, though I completely forgot that one after a little while. How she always smelled like flowers, how she laughed–rich, hearty, almost bawdy. Like there was a dirty joke she was just dying to tell somebody. I grin at the reminder of it while walking to the elevator
She is who I need to be thinking of now. How can I feel otherwise? Aching for Glanni is pretty much the same as spitting on her memory. I still don’t know for sure whether Dad is right and Gianni is the one who killed her, but until I know, I have to at least try to remain neutral.
Which means conditioning myself out of obsessing over him morning, noon, and night.
I’m miserable, but that’s how it has to be. I hate this sense of this dark, ominous cloud following over me. Instead of rain, guilt and shame shower me all day long. I can’t believe I made it so easy for him to manipulate me.
The parking garage is mostly empty by the time I exit. A few people decided to stay late, but everyone else filtered out a little before me. Even with a backlog of work, I can’t bring myself to put in the extra time when I’m so sad, not to mention feeling overwhelmed. It’s not like I’m leaving early, anyway. I’m so wound up in my own thoughts, and need to get home that I don’t
hear the door opening
25 BONUS
Or the echo of footsteps behind me.
I don’t see him until he’s right behind me, his gorgeous face reflected in the window as I’m about to unlock the car door. Even if I want to scream, there’s no time to react. I’ve barely registered his presence when he clamps a firm hand over my mouth, snaking his thick arm around my waist, before pudling me flush to bis muscular chest. Panic grips me by the throat. Is this where his true intentions are exposed and I discover that my father wasn’t lying?
God, I hope not. This would be a terrible way to go.
Somewhere in my mind, an alarm goes off, and I finally struggle in his grasp.
Fight. Don’t give up.
“Fuck, it’s been too long since I touched you. Stop squirming, or 1‘ end up fucking you against the car door,” Gianni growls in
my ear
The deep timbre of his voice sends goosebumps across my flesh. Some of the fear and anger have receded, yet that doesn’t mean I’m not running away from this psycho the moment he releases me. The car door in front of me opens, and he releases me with a shove, forcing me to crawl across the seats.
My hands slip on the cool leather as I put as much distance as I can between us. I didn’t recognize his car parked next to mine. Then again, I wasn’t paying attention. Stupid me. I should’ve known leaving the protective nest of my father’s house that he would track me down. A man like him refuses to let what he wants slip through his fingers, and apparently, I’m what he wants today. Glanni climbs into the backseat casually like he didn’t just abduct me. He smooths a hand through his dark hair, and I swallow around the knot in my throat
No matter how handsome he is, I must remember that he’s not a knight in shining armor who was sent to rescue me. He’s the villain, only capable of putting his needs before others.
“What is wrong with you?” I demand, my body trembling.
Anger and fear battle it out. I want to punch him in his stupidly gorgeous face and run away. Adrenaline courses through my veins, and I reach behind me, flailing around while trying to find the door handle.
“Child locks,” he grunts. “To keep little girls from jumping out of the car when they shouldn’t.”
I wish God, how I wish–I could hate him. That sitting this close to him didn’t set off a fire in my soul. I wish I didn’t want to throw myself into his arms and bury my face in his neck and revel in his neamess. Being near him after days without him feels like I just took my first sip of water after going thirsty for days. My soul is refreshed even if my mind recoils with horroc
I find my voice again while straightening out my blouse with shaking hands. “What the hell do you think you are doing? You can’t just show up at my work and force me into your car. There are cameras, and anyone could have seen. Are you trying to get the police called?”
“Do you think this is the first time I’ve grabbed someone and thrown them in the back of my car?” He lets out a chuckle, and I’m glad he does, even if it terrifies me. It helps me harden my heart so I don’t make the mistake of begging him to take me back. I need to be strong, and that would be very weak of me. I have to remind myself that he did not tell me the truth about him still being married and might also be my mother’s killer.
“I don’t care how many people you’ve thrown in the back of your car. Whatever you want to say to me can wait ull I’m ready to hear it.”
“That’s the problem. I couldn’t wait another second. I had to see you, had to see with my own eyes that you’re okay.” That snide, teasing note calling from his voice is replaced by something that could be mistaken for tenderness.
I know it’s not real. It can’t be. Nothing about him is real. If it were he wouldn’t have so casually lied to me about his marriage, making me believe what we had was real.
“I’m fine. I’m back at work, living my life. Thank you for asking “ggle the handle, glaring at him, pressing myself against the door when he moves closer. The heat of his body radiates through me. If he gets any closer, I risk giving in to him, and i
can’t have that. “Now let me go. I need to get home.”
He lowers his brow, his eyes like burning embers. I should look away. Only I’d still feel their heat burning if I did. “There’s no running away from us, Caterina. You’re not going anywhere until we talk about this,” he rumbles, leaning in close enough that all I can smell is the intoxicating scent of his cologne. Cinnamon and cloves. With him this close, it becomes harder to remember how bad of a man he is, and instead how good he could make me feel
“See?” With both hands, I shove against his chest as hard as I can, even managing to put a little room between us. Straightening my shoulders, I let the proudness envelop me. His eyes widen with surprise, but it’s not enough to keep him from reaching out to place a hand against my knee. I smack his hand away and shake my head. “I have to wonder if you’re crazy or just psycho? What would make you believe that I would allow you to touch me after the bombshell that was revealed? How can I trust you? None of this is real. We’re not real, and showing up at my work and forcing me into the back of your car will not change that.”
Even now, I know I’m lying to myself. Everything about us is real. I just don’t want to admit it right now because I’m angry. I’ve been duped, made a fool of. Everything I know about him, everything that might be true, it all dissolves when I’m with him. Breathing him in, staring into his eyes which glitter with an intensity I’ve never seen in anyone else’s. The way he looks at me, there is nothing like it.
I want him to touch me. I want him to be honest with me. I want him to tell me my Dad is wrong. I want him to make everything go away and tell me it’s going to be okay.
Mom. Think of her. Think of the lies and how he made you feel.
