Chapter 5
I felt a bit embarrassed and muttered. “I’m sorry.”
It wasn’t because of what had just happened, but because of before.
To fulfill Mia’s request, I dragged Calvin into joining a club as soon ast school started.
But he had missed several meetings.
That was when I met Mike.
He had an unexpected patience with people, never showing any frustration. He helped me a lot during club activities.
Thanks to him, I even made a lot of friends.
Out of gratitude, I would always make an extra serving of lemonade I prepared for Calvin and secretly bring it to him during club activities.
The reason I secretly brought it was because of my insecurities.
With no money to spare, I started working part–time after class, stubbornly splitting the rent with Calvin. I couldn’t bring myself to spend money on overpriced drinks.
At that moment, I could even hear my own heartbeat as I said, “If you don’t like it, I can buy something else.”
Thankfully, he didn’t mind. He simply took the drink, took a big sip, and gave me a thumbs–up.
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“Ashley, you’re really good at this!”
It was the first time I had ever received praise.
Back in class, I was always an easy target, seen as nothing more than trash by the teachers.
Even then, Calvin never complimented me. He’d just nod occasionally, giving a half–hearted acknowledgment.
Hearing Mike’s words, I felt relieved and smiled.
But then, a cold voice came from behind, “Ashley.”
I turned around and saw Calvin, who had never agreed to join the club activities with me, standing not far away with a cold face, unusually holding a milk tea.
He was angry.
Furious.
He threw the milk tea into the trash can with a harsh, loud sound.
Then, he walked away without looking back.
I hurried to catch up, not having the chance to say goodbye to Mike.
I apologized to Calvin for this for a long time.
He ignored me for an entire week.
By the time I was overly cautious, tiptoeing around every little thing he did, he finally spoke up, “Don’t hang out with him.”
To him, he and Mike were rivals, enemies.
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I was meant to be on his side.
was terrified of losing him.
Because I had never really had him in the first place.
So, I nodded.
I despised myself for abandoning my friends, yet I was even more afraid of being the one abandoned.
I used to fear my mom leaving me, and then, she really did.
Then, I was afraid my dad would abandon me too because I had nowhere else to go.
A person on the brink of death will desperately cling to the only lifeline they have left.
Calvin was that lifeline for me.
So, I started deliberately avoiding interactions with Mike. He must have noticed, but he never asked me about it.
Instead, he quietly stepped back to a safe distance, as if nothing had happened.
That made my guilt feel even heavier.
At that moment, after seeing his face, all the emotions I had been holding back burst out. I cried as I said to him, “Mike, just yell at me.
“I’m an ungrateful person, not worthy of being a friend.”
Mike furrowed his brows, his expression serious.
But what he said was, “Ashley, how could you think like that?”
He paused, then continued. “I always thought Calvin was just shy, but I didn’t realize he was so paranoid.
“Besides, how could any of this be your fault?”
Why not blame me?
Everyone had always blamed me.
My mom blamed me, saying if it weren’t for me, she would’ve divorced my dad long ago.
My dad blamed me, saying he wanted a son, and I was just a burden.
Calvin blamed me, calling me dumb for always holding him back.
So, why not blame me?
Mike
edtraight at me.
nobody ever taught you.”
sien, he said in a softer tone, “How could you be expected to know everything on your own, Ashley?”
